Filled to the brim

My mind is brimming with all kinds of thoughts today, and I wish I could write a blog to explore each of them. But I can't, so I'm cramming them all into one. Here goes:

First, I can't stop thinking about how I narrowly missed a very scary situation the other night. If I had come home 15 minutes earlier, if I had said NO to the tacos and just gone straight home, it could have been me who was robbed. I dont know if he would have shot me, because I would have complied with his demand, but no matter what would have happened, it would have been scary. I would have been a much easier target, and had the robber had a choice of the big football player or the skinny white girl with a purse, I think he would have chosen me. I'm refusing to be afraid, though. This is my home. I love this town and I feel safe at this apartment complex. I am not going to let a bad person like that make me unsafe in my home.

I had a discussion yesterday with a friend from undergraduate school, and it left me feeling sad. I realized we once sat together in classes at UA, working on our writing, soaking up everything we could. We had high hopes. We were naive and hopeful for our futures as writers. Now, he is living back at home and working a job he hates. Now, I am going to a school I don't like and I feel no fulfillment from what I'm doing. All that's left of those optimistic days are crushed dreams.

I've recently been dealing with the difficult realization that people change, and it's not always for the better and it can take you by surprise. I've had to accept that someone I call my best friend no longer calls me theirs. It's very hard. I won't lie. But I'm using this as an opportunity to take that next step out into the world and embrace the change that's coming.

A funny moment I experienced yesterday left me pondering my views on the institution of marriage. I see myself as having fairly modern views on marriage. I'll explain further. I, of course, believe that once you're married, you are truly making a commitment to that person, and with that commitment comes the promise you'll always be faithful. In that sense, I'm traditional. But I don't believe two people have to be married to live together. I don't believe in the "obey" part of the vow on the woman's part. I definitely don't believe a woman should ever be expected to be submissive. I dont know if I even think marriage is relevent anymore. Sometimes when I think about it, it just seems so old fashioned and out of date, the whole idea of it. But anyway, that being said, I'm editing a dissertation for a doctoral student who's writing on healthy marriages within the church. I've heard my fair share of preachers' views on marriage, and I very rarely agree with them. So, someone with my outlook on the institution was assigned to this particular dissertation. Ironic. I'm just hoping I don't read the word "submissive" anywhere in it.