After changing my schedule the first day, which put my teacher through an ordeal, and being late for the second day of class (same teacher by the way...great impression there) I'm feeling like I haven't gotten off to the best start in grad school. I feel disorganzied, despite my best efforts to make things simple and easy, and I feel scattered. I feel out of place. I feel overwhelmed, but underwhelmed at the same time.
As I was running from room to room, sticking my face in the window trying to find my teacher and gathering an increasingly large pack of English teachers who trailed me to help me find my way, I had the urge to drop everything and go home. I know I said so outloud several times, and if I hadn't had a friend with me I probably would have done so. I thought, "maybe this is a sign that this isn't for me. Maybe I shouldn't be here." I wanted so badly to go home to Tuscaloosa and re-enroll in undergraduate classes at UA.
I know--rather, I hope-- it's just first week jitters and confusion making me feel this way. After a few weeks I'll get in the groove. I keep telling myself this, but right now, myself isn't listening and doesn't care. Myself wants to pack it up and head home and crawl in bed. Forget grad school and the whole thing. Just leave me alone and let me sleep.
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